Ask not what time has robbed you of
What we do one day leaves behind layers that are the foundation of the next — The Texture of our Wings by Christina Mayhew
It’s my birthday today. I had actually forgotten about it until I saw my dad was calling me this morning. My dad isn’t much for talking and even when we do talk it’s typically on my mom’s phone once I’m done talking with her. In fact, the only reason he has a cell phone is so that my mom can get a hold of him when she’s out of the house. But birthdays are an exception, I suppose. When I was growing up it was always a contest to see who would remember someone’s birthday first. Well, this year my dad beat me and my husband.
But before you wish me a happy birthday let me remind you that not everyone likes birthdays.
Today is not his day — Photo by Nathan Dumlao on Unsplash
So here I am. Another year has come and gone. I sigh to myself. It makes sense why my skin isn’t as smooth or tight as it once was. I wonder if I’m getting grey hairs. I’m not sure I want to know. I realize I’ve got mixed feelings toward this “special” day. Thirty years ago I would have popped out of bed and been all excited about it. But as I have aged I am constantly reminded how short life really is. We only have so much time and then it’s all gone. I wonder how many things I still want to accomplish that I never will because I didn’t start them in time. I feel a twinge of remorse. It’s no wonder people created tales of extended youth long before our society even shifted from valuing wisdom and maturity to vitality and youthful exuberance.
I realize I feel sad. I feel sad that I have lived for so long and have so little to show for it. I’m not actually talking about money, possessions, or a prestigious career. Those things are nice to have. I’m not against them in any way. They make life more comfortable in many ways — and that can be both a good and a bad thing. What I wish I could show for it goes much deeper than the surface-level stuff that most people see. I’m talking about the deeper issues of spirituality, wisdom, love, acceptance, and making the world a more beautiful place for everyone. It’s about understanding the value of life and how to live one’s life well. I wonder if I have lived mine well over the years.
Living life well probably means something different to different people. So let me tell you what I mean by it. I believe that living life well encompasses many different things. Most of which can be summarized in the following points.
Embracing the brokenness that is in everyone
Learning and growing in character, so I can be the best version of myself
Extending love and acceptance outward into the greater world
Photo by Jon Tyson on Unsplash
Even just looking at this short list I realize that for much of my life I fell short. And many times I still do. It’s only in the past number of years that I have really embraced living my life well. Even when I was young I thought I was living life well, but as my values shifted I realized that I put a lot of time and effort into things that didn’t actually make me into the best version of myself that I could be. I regret that. I regret constantly looking outward, instead of first searching inside myself. Sometimes I wish it hadn’t taken me so long to move to this spiritual stage of my life because if only I had more time I could do more for the world that I love. I realize that that desire may be nothing more than wishful thinking.
Photo by Hello I’m Nik 🎞 on Unsplash
The reality is that it did take me a long time. Perhaps not as long as it takes many others who eventually “get there” but it took longer than I wish it had for me to start living my life well. I know the many years that I “wasted” weren’t actually wasted. They were a necessary piece of my past to get me where I am today. I can accept that and continue moving onto becoming the type of person I wish to be. I will continue to learn and grow as a person because life is more about moving forward than trying to smooth out the already formed wrinkles.