Daring to Dance Between the Light and the Dark
I had an art teacher that kept giving me the same advice over and over again. He said, “make your lights lighter, and your darks darker.” Art without contrast is not worth experiencing. For it to be worth anything, you need to have a contrast between light and dark. One is not better than the other. It is the existence of the one that enhances the other.
The beauty here is in the way the dark cliffs interact with the brightness of the sun. Photo by Red Zeppelin on Unsplash
It took some time for me to actually embrace my art teacher’s advice. I was more comfortable with neutrality because then I never had to ask myself just how dark was too dark or how light was too light. I didn’t have to figure out the balance between the two. I could just plop myself right in the middle and not have to address it. This made for some dull artwork, however. In order to grow as an artist, I needed to experiment with using both light and darkness to my advantage. The key, though, was not just to have a whole piece become darker or lighter. Each piece needed to have both, or else there still wasn’t any contrast, just darkness or light.
The picture on the right is much more appealing. The contrast pulls the viewer in and helps their eyes focus on a specific part, whereas the eyes wander around on the other, not knowing where to settle. Concrete Bloom by Christina Mayhew
In the same way, we also need both light and darkness in our lives. Some bright and cheerful folks somehow naturally seem to fall on the lighter side of the spectrum. I, on the other hand, tend more toward a darker disposition. We all have a natural tendency toward someplace on that spectrum. But the reality is that although there are benefits to both, that’s only when they are balanced out. Without balance, either becomes toxic.
When I was younger, much of what I felt of the world was pain, suffering, and anger. It was plain to the people around me that I was sitting firmly at the dark end of the spectrum. Some people even said they didn’t like being around me because it practically oozed out of me. That’s because that’s what my experience felt like, though, so stewing in that darkness was what felt real and authentic to me. There was so much pain around me that I truly believed that all of life was about was suffering. Even though I wanted to be happier and less focused on all the darkness, identifying with it so strongly made it impossible to move beyond it. Basically, I ended up closing myself off to the light around me. I now realize I took on so much dark that the light wasn’t able to shine through. In retrospect, it’s become clear how problematic too much darkness was, but the reality is that too much light is just as dangerous — but the danger is much more subtle.
One of my favourite paintings. It explores the shadowed places of our soul — the places where the dark and light dance together.
Have you ever met someone who greeted you with a warm friendly smile and all you wanted to do was punch them in the face? You know, one of those moments where their stupid, reality-defying grin is like nails on the chalkboard of your soul. Yeah, I’ve been there too. The times where I was struggling the most were probably the times I hated those optimistic people the most. When you’re in a place like that, it’s easy for people to think that you’re just a grump, jerk, or worse. But there really is something legitimately problematic about always “looking on the bright side” (and not just because you might get your front teeth knocked out). The reality is that staying at that extreme does deny and devalue the whole truth of your experience — and of others.
When someone lives their life this way they often come across as fake or in denial. They appear to be oblivious to the struggles of life. And for many people life truly is a struggle. Struggle is often viewed as a negative thing because it’s unpleasant. But things that are pleasant (including people) tend to lack depth. Struggle is a good thing — not because it’s a good thing itself, but because of where it can lead: to character. If someone can’t handle struggling, they can’t grow. Every good thing that anyone has ever done or become has grown out of struggle.
“Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experience of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, ambition inspired, and success achieved.”
There are good things about the light, and there are good things about the dark. But there is nothing inherently good about either. Nor is there anything good in just taking a safe middle ground where you get the best of neither world. We all have unique life experiences and temperaments that give us a natural inclination toward some point on the spectrum, and that’s ok. Balance isn’t about finding a perfect middle — it’s about getting the best of all parts, in the right amounts and the right places.
What’s a good place for me right now may not be a good place for you, and it may not be a good place for me tomorrow either. That’s ok. I’m still naturally drawn to struggles and pain. That is still what feels deeply real and authentic to me, but I also realize I no longer want to just stay in that place of darkness. Yes, I have discovered great value from that darkness, but that same darkness just consumes everything else unless I also find the light that contrasts and complements it.
Just like good artwork, a life needs both light and darkness in the right proportions and the right places. We need to embrace all that we are, and all the places we find ourselves. And we need to find the kind of balance that draws it all together, rather than finding a comfortable place to settle within it.
So tell me: do you dare to dance between the light and the dark?