Face Your Darkness, Find Your Light
The deeper you go, the darker it gets, but keep looking and you will find treasure - Treasures in the Deep by Christina Mayhew
I believe our hearts are a deep ocean filled with layers. We feel and experience many different things there, but I have found it’s easy to stay near the surface, where the light still permeates. It’s safer and feels more comfortable to be in a predictable place, where it is easy to see what surrounds us. I’m not alone in this. I believe everyone has strong emotions, and painful experiences buried in deep places, although many, I think, have learned to suppress them, as I use to. Circumstances will be different, as will the experiences themselves, but I believe we are all connected because our emotions are ones that others have also experienced. This doesn’t mean that our experiences are the same, but more so that others can relate and extend empathy to one another.
Sadly I don’t see this as much as I wish I did. I believe many people desperately want to share the deep places of their hearts with others, but some things keep getting in the way. Sometimes it’s the suppression and numbing of feelings or inadequate communication skills. Other times I think, we live such disconnected lives from others that we don’t have anyone to open up to, even if we wanted to. Regardless of what reason a person has, I think the fear of being vulnerable and exposed is an underlying issue in nearly every case. I know at some time in my life, I have done all of the above, and almost every time, fear of vulnerability played a role in it. I’ve been ashamed of my experiences, emotions, and the decisions I’ve made. I wanted to be accepted for my authentic self so desperately that I hid a part of it, for fear that it would alienate me. Even if someone accepted the small part of me I showed them, I realize that by hiding another part of myself, they could never accept all of me, and that too would leave me alienated.
I believe there is a time and place to show only a part of yourself. Not everyone has earned the right to know all of me. But all too often, I’ve hidden these deeply personal treasures far below the surface of my heart, where no one can see them.
Photo by Andres Perez on Unsplash
I had an art teacher that saw this and challenged me on it. Every time we needed to display our work for others to see, I fought him on it. My work was amazing, but I was too self-conscious to allow my work to be seen and potentially criticized. One day he pulled me aside and asked what I did with my pieces once they were finished. I confessed I put them away where no one but me could see them. He responded with something that I will remember for the rest of my life. He told me:
“ if you have something beautiful to show the world, it’s wrong to hide it in your closet.”
Photo by cyrus gomez on Unsplash
I believe the depths of people’s hearts are the same as beautiful artwork. I believe they are beautiful and need to be shown to the world. Despite all the disconnection in our world, I believe we are still connected to each other and we need one another’s beauty to enhance our own, just as others need ours. It isn’t a fun process to be vulnerable and bring one’s darkness to the surface but I believe there is so much value in it. When I’ve done this I have not only been able to only encouraged others, but I’ve also grown as a person. Doing this made me more courageous. It has also helped me to love and accept myself. I’ve come to realize that the things I don’t like about myself or my life (and yes, there will likely always be some, no matter how much time and energy I put into working through them) can be changed. I can change. Accepting this truth made a massive impact on my life because I realized I no longer needed to be a victim of what life throws at me, nor what is hidden deep in the depths of my heart. It’s also scary because it means that I also need to take responsibility for who I am and how I behave.
I believe that I have something beautiful to show the world, and it’s not limited to my artwork. If I hadn’t worked through these dark layers of my soul, I wouldn’t be in a place where I could share my artwork or the content of my website with you. If someone has experienced any value from what I have to offer, it’s a direct result of my opening my heart and diving deep, seeing the tarnished pieces of gold, covered by sand, pulling them out and sharing them with the world.
Photo by Sharon McCutcheon on Unsplash
In fact, I believe everyone has something beautiful to share with the world. Many are afraid of what they may find if they dive into the depth of their hearts. It’s okay to be afraid. I was afraid for many years. But when someone has the courage to do this, I believe they will find something beautiful despite their fears. I don’t think the beauty will be seen immediately, but if one allows their fingers to rub away the debris, they will find a shine underneath. I believe they will discover its beauty.